Log in

18 July 2008 @ 09:43 am
It's still raining  
It's been a long while since I've posted and I feel as if I should for my own sanity. Perhaps I could deal with this year better if I had an outlet to release everything. I've noticed that it's been harder for me since I haven't been writing at all much, but hopefully this will help.

Things for me and my family have not improved over the past few months. Dad's doing well in terms of his surgery... which was the hardest thing I think I've had to face. It's too bad that you never realize how important people are to you when you're faced with losing them. There are so many things, awful things, that I would say about my father during middle school and high school; so many times that I wanted to run away just because he didn't approve of something. But honestly, if I could go back in time and talk to the former me, I'd kick my ass. I never realized how much he truly cared about me and wanted the best for me, he just had a peculiar way of showing it. If anything good came out of this whole situation with my dad, it has only brought me closer to my parents, especially my dad. I guess when your dad has a tumor the size of a football on his right kidney, it puts things into perspective. I was hoping that after the surgery and his recuperation, things would be looking up for my family... but oh how wrong I was.

The same night as my dad's surgery, my brother tried to stop a fight at a friend's house during a party and nearly got his eye raked out. He had to have surgery a few days later to repair the damage done. They couldn't fix it in the emergency room since they were afraid that they would permanently damage his eye, so he had to see a specialist. That's two members of my family that had surgery in the same day.

My dad's company recently got bought out by some Italian guy who knows nothing of the steel business... he's got a PhD in Physics. This guy thinks he's totally going to revolutionize the steel business, but instead, he's putting the company into the hole. Lots of people are getting laid off, customers are leaving and going to other companies. Needless to say, Dad lost his job. He's got loads of bills to pay because of the surgery and now he doesn't have a job. He hasn't trusted this new owner from the very beginning, but he refused to quit because he wouldn't have severance pay. He's still on his insurance for up to a year since he got laid off, but that also means that I no longer have insurance, so if something happens to me, I'm S.O.L. Oh yeah, David got fired too because he was my father's son.

I had a mole removed on my back a couple of weeks ago since the doctor thought it looked really suspicious. She said that it'd probably be nothing, but they wanted to take extra precautions. Results came back and it was pre-cancerous. If I had waited another year to have it removed, I would have had skin cancer. Fantastic.

I was leaving Dan's house Wednesday morning and my phone rang and I noticed that it was my dad. I thought it was weird since he rarely calls me and that it was fairly early in the morning. The first thing he said was, "Well, I have some bad news." Great, exactly what we need more of. "Your grandfather had a heart attack last night and he's in the hospital." He had a heart attack Tuesday night and if he had waited another 20 minutes to do anything about it, i.e.- call anyone, he would have died. We're thankful that he made it to the hospital in time, and we're also thankful that the diagnosis is better than they had previously thought. When we got there, it sounded like he was on his deathbed, but when we left, things were looking up. That's three family members in the hospital in the past 6 months.

I'm currently looking for teaching positions and I'm honest to God, absolutely scared to death. When I think about possibly going in for an interview, I get this tightness in my chest like someone is squeezing my lungs until there isn't an ounce of air left in them. I suddenly forget that I majored in Elementary Ed, and forget everything that I learned. I'm so excited to have my own classroom, yet I fear that I'm not quite ready. I'm not getting as many hours as I'd like at Yankee Candle, nor would I ever want to make that my permanent career. Money's getting tight and I'm literally living from paycheck to paycheck. I'm afraid that I don't have enough confidence in myself to get a teaching job, but again, I'm working on it.

I'm just incredibly frustrated and confused because I honestly don't understand why my family and I have had such bad luck this year. It's like someone seriously doesn't like us right now and is trying to do everything to pull the family apart. I obviously know someone isn't the cause for all of our misfortunes this year, but it's unbelievable how it's one thing right after the other. There's no lull in the excitement, that's for sure. If we can escape this year without a major meltdown or a death in the family, it'll be a miracle.

Things I am looking forward to within the next few weeks: going home to SoPo for a couple days next week, the release of Breaking Dawn, and Flogging Molly at the Asylum in September. At least there's those things.
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Everyday is Exactly the Same (Nine Inch Nails)